June 16, 2013

Commentary: A Big Giant WTF!!?

Typically I really don't like to make fun of bad photoshop work.  I mean, when I'm hanging out with friends I'll make fun of it plenty, but on a public blog I will normally keep my mouth shut.  Why?  Well, my skills in photoshop aren't exactly great and it seems a tad hypocritical to blast someone else's hard work when I'm not any better.

However, the moment I saw this particular movie poster I wanted to cry...

Two questions immediately come to mind here:

1) How on earth did this poorly photoshopped image  make it past the producers, the executives, the marketing experts, the guy who sorts the mail...aaaanyone!!?  It is so hard for me to fathom how something this bad can get through so many layers of approval without someone raising up their hand and saying, "hey, we all know this poster sucks right?"

2) How do I get hired in Hollywood?  I swear to god Hollywood is the only place on worth where someone can consistently produce absolute shit and still get hired back for more.  Don't believe me?  Try following the career of M Night Shyamalan sometime.

3) Why is Hollywood so utterly terrified of overweight women?  I mean we are all well aware that Melissa McCarthy is a large woman.  However, I, nor anyone else I have met, have ever made a decision to see or not see a based on the waist size of the female characters.  I might be impartial to very specific physical attributes when I'm watching porn, but I could care less when it comes to dramas, thrillers, science fiction, and certainly not screwball comedies.  I know I'm not the first person to go down this path when it comes to modern day Hollywood but really folks, how often does this need to be said before someone actually listens?

So yeah, where does one start with this and how does one comes to terms with bad at this particular level?  My immediate reaction upon seeing this poster at my local theater was that it was clearly a joke.  Pretty funny right?  Oh wait, this is a real movie with a budget bigger than all the money I will most likely make in my lifetime?  Oh...  Wow, ok.

My second reaction was that this is some sort of avante garde expressionism that I just do not get.  Kind of like the trend now days for every movie to have the "shaky camera" effect.  Yeah, I don't get why that is so popular either.  If you squint your eyes just right it sort of looks like the actresses are paper dolls and maybe they were trying to get that hand drawn authentic look...

...oh fuck it, this is just shit no matter how you slice it.    

Well here is another theory. Maybe, just maybe, whatever marketing director got tapped to produce this poster just knew the film was going to be crap and figured why bother.  I suppose that would be plausible.  In fact, given the alternative it is the most plausible option.  I mean lets face it, a buddy cop comedy staring Sandra Bullock.  Sounds really awesome right?  Right up there in the same league as Stop Or My Mom Will Shoot and Turner and Hooch (<-- no disrespect to Turner and Hooch, I actually like that movie).  So maybe the art directors just thought to themselves, "hey, this movie is shit anyway, why spend the time?"  If that is the case then well, this is a strange sort of genius.  It's like they are predicting the future for us and through bad art, telling us fool proof ways to save money over the weekend.  

I'm sorry, I know this post is just one big giant bitch fest but there are times where I just cannot get over the utter foolishness that is often hoisted upon the masses.  Just the other day I was reading an article about movie executives who are currently in panic mode over the year after year decline in ticket sales at the theater.  They were just dumbfounded as to why nobody goes to the movies anymore!

Well big shots, I have an answer for your and it starts with this ridiculous poster. 

1 comment:

  1. A-fuckin_greed. If that poster is shit and it is, thenlook at the trash foisted upon us called movies.
    I love movies. I rarely go to movies. Nothing worse than puttin' down $10 for a ticket amd watching a suck movie.

    Daryl Pauley